In Drayton Manor’s latest attempt to appeal to hardcore Thomas fans, they announced that they would be smashing the Stepney Prop with a hammer to make it more accurate to the real Stepney “We’re always listening to fan feedback, and love to see how much people appreciate our care for the Thomas trains.” The Park … Continue reading Drayton Manor Makes Stepney Prop More Accurate by Smashing it with Hammer
Joe Biden is an avid railfan, explaining his strange behavior around women. But you might not know that he also loves Reverend Awdry’s books. In a recent press conference, he addressed this when answering questions about infrastructure and transportation. “I recently started reading Thomas the Train, and I have to admit I admire what the … Continue reading Joe Biden Credits Awdry as a Big Influence Going Forward
A Thomas fan by the name of Eddie Twoson couldn’t help but notice hundreds of errors made during his life. “In this scene, my girlfriend left me for my best friend.” Twoson added to the goofs section of his diary. “But just last week she said everything was ‘just fine.’” Eddie has been writing in … Continue reading Thomas Fan Points Out Every Single Goof in His Life
After learning that hundreds of teens and adults actually believe his father wrote that Henry was scrapped and replaced with a new Henry, Christopher Awdry has donated his entire fortune to various Adult Literacy Charities. “I didn’t realize so many people misinterpreted my dad’s book.” Said Awdry. “If I’d known, I would’ve wrote it out … Continue reading Christopher Awdry Donates Entire Fortune to Adult Literacy Charities After Learning About Two Henrys Theory
In a last ditch effort to erase Edward and Henry from existence, Mattel sent an Airstrike to Sodor. Luckily, no one was hurt; for the drone missed its targets after it crashed into the side of Culdee Fell, which Mattel forgot existed. “We’re lucky they haven’t bothered to actually study our Island or it’s history … Continue reading Mattel sends Drone to Sodor in an Attempt to Destroy Edward and Henry
What tha f??? That’s so creepy. Train with eyes???? Gros!!! Joshua Matthews, a writer for the new Thomas and Friends reboot, suffered from a heart attack after a creepy image of the stop motion Thomas Show from the 60’s shocked him to his core. He is survived by his Wife, Jessica Nicole, his Wife’s boyfriend, … Continue reading Mattel Employee has a Heart Attack from Creepy Thomas Image
Thomas’s Snowplow Thomas refused to have his Snowplow put on this morning. A group of trainspotters and passengers nearby watched as he explained that he didn’t believe in snow. “Snow is an elaborate hoax created by Sir Topham Hatt to get us to wear Snowploughs.” He shouted as loud as he could to everyone waiting … Continue reading Thomas Convinced Snow is “An Elaborate Hoax”
Mattel recently held a Conference Call for investors in which they discussed future plans for their properties and products. TNN was invited to attend the virtual meeting to see what Mattel planned on ruining this upcoming year. However, things took a turn for the worse when an investor raised a question about the changes that … Continue reading “Lalalalalalalala.” Says Mattel Executive with Fingers in Ears
A recent study from Tidmouth University shows Millennials on the Island of Sodor don’t participate in the traditions of Thanksgiving. Traditional Thanksgiving present exchange around the Thanksgiving Tree “Why would I celebrate an American holiday?” Starbucks patron, Jessica, inquired. “We live on an island off the coast of Britain.” Clearly Millennials just don’t know enough … Continue reading Studies Show Sudrian Millennials Don’t Celebrate Thanksgiving
Due to a new law passed by the Mayor of Sodor, all media outlets on Sodor must publish or produce material to prepare citizens for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. We here at Thomas Facts take the survival of the human race very seriously, and have decided to demonstrate what to do if a Zombie breaks … Continue reading How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
