I’m too stupid to understand it otherwise: The War in Ukraine Explained by Thomas the Tank Engine

War can be a serious topic. With so many factors involved, it’s hard for many to understand what’s going on. If you are ignorant to the plight of Ukraine, I hate you. You ignorant fool.

Everyone must take constant political action against things I hate, like war. If they don’t, I despise them. That is why today, I will be educating you on the current conflict in the most effective way: Comparing it to my favorite pop-culture franchise.

So there’s this guy who runs Russia (kinda like how the Fat Controller runs his the Northwestern Railway) named Vladimir Putin. However, Putin isn’t kind to his citizens like the Fat Controller is to his engines. Putin is more like the Controllers on the mainland who scrap their engines and are generally big meanies.

There’s also this alliance called NATO. Alliance are when two or more parties help each other. Thomas and Gordon formed an alliance in Down the Mine. But Russia doesn’t like NATO, and Ukraine, Russia’s neighbor, wanted to join NATO.

Russia doesn’t want NATO anywhere near them, because it would be like how Toby went to the Smelter’s in Thomas and the Magic Railroad and ruined Diesel 10’s plans. Putin doesn’t want NATO ruining any of their evil schemes.

So Russia’s troops were sent to Ukraine’s boarders. This would be like if the Other Railway sent Diesels to wait outside Tidmouth sheds and wait for the chance to scrap the Steam Engines.

When Ukraine wouldn’t cave into Putin’s demands (much like how Thomas wouldn’t give Sailor John the treasure), Putin declared war on Russia (like how Sailor John tried to steal the treasure after Thomas wouldn’t give it to him).

War is really bad. It’s when countries have really big fights with each other, and lots of people die. It’s almost exactly like how Sailor John threw dynamite at Thomas.

So yeah, that’s basically what’s going on in Ukraine: Sailor John is throwing dynamite at Thomas because Thomas wouldn’t give him the treasure after the Other Railway sent Diesels to Tidmouth Sheds because they didn’t want Toby to ring his bell and ruin Diesel 10’s shed.

Frankly, I think it’s very insensitive to not know what’s going on in Ukraine, so it’s a good thing you have me to compare it to Thomas the Tank Engine for you! Now that you know what’s going on, put a Ukraine flag in your profile picture to totally own Sailor John!