This fandom is full of talent, passion, and friendship. This documentary aimed to show the world who we are and what we’re about. Unfortunately, the project fell flat on its face.
My Involvement
As the most knowledgeable Thomas Fan in the world, it should surprise no one that Brannon Carty contacted me early in the production of this project to interview me. I agreed, of course, as I felt this film is exactly what we needed. For years, I along with thousands of my Brocomotive brethren, have been beaten, shot, and teased for liking Thomas. This movie was our chance to normalize being a Brocomotive and undoing the years of prejudice directed towards us.
Unfortunately, after my interview with Carty, he immediately told me I was “insane” and needed “psychiatric help immediately.” It was then that I realized that Carty wasn’t like me. He wasn’t like us. He was a Brocophobe. This whole project wasn’t to celebrate our community, Carty was infiltrating our ranks to make a documentary that made a mockery of us.
I immediately pulled my gun, threatened to fire it, and he fled. I was later arrested by some crooked cops who were no doubt paid off by the rich elites who want nothing more than to keep us Brocomotives down.
In the lead up to the film’s release, I had a change of heart. Maybe Carty isn’t a villain, I thought. Maybe I was wrong and the movie will be fine.
Oh how wrong I was.
Mass Brainwashing
At the premiere, I was stopped at the door, as I didn’t have my “ticket.” I tried explaining to the man that I would probably be on the press list; for I am Thomas G. Facts, the world famous investigative journalist, film critic, and Genius. The doorman simply chuckled and said there was no list.
I was horrified. The fact that the Press wasn’t invited told me only one thing: my worst suspicions were true and the movie wasn’t what it claimed it was.
I did what any sane man would do and snuck into the museum through the backrooms. I explored the facility and found the theater. I used my remaining MP to activate my Camouflage Move and disguise myself among the crowd. I perfectly blended into the back row of seats.
The movie was introduced, and it began playing.
As I watched, I realized something. My scenes had been cut. The interview in which I had described how Thomas had both caused my marriage and divorce, the hour long rant about All Engines Go; it was all gone. Carty must have realized that in order to make the fandom look bad, my scenes had to be cut. I was just too charismatic.
I felt betrayed. I ran out the doors crying. nobody else followed. They were in no doubt brainwashed or otherwise hypnotized into enjoying the movie.
Conclusion
Not only does this film not have any scenes with me in it; it brainwashed a theater full of Thomas Fans into believing it was good. No film will ever be as much of a disgrace as this one. I give it a solid 9/10.
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