In a shocking turn of events, Sailor John has won the Mayoral Election against his opponent, Kathrine Kyndley.
Many Sudrians have raised voices of concern and confusion at this outcome.
“This guy bombed Knapford Station,” Jem Cole puzzled, “how the fuck did he get people to vote for him?”
Many Sudrians say they voted for John simply for his economic policies.
“Sailor John said he would lower my taxes.” Farmer McColl explained. “I voted for him to save our economy.”
[Fact Check: The only Sudrians who would benefit from Sailor John’s tax breaks are Sir Topham Hatt, the Vicar of Wellsworth, and Ruth the Inventor.]
While many Sudrians voted for John believing he would help their economy, many believe his policies would hurt the economy instead.
“Sailor John plans on an import tax of at least 20% on all goods. All of our coal and oil is imported, so running my railway is going to get a lot more expensive.” Sir Topham Hatt explained. “With this policy, the only thing that will be affordable on Sodor is Tidmouth Kipper.”
On top of Sailor John’s economic policies, he has also promised Government reform. His recent friend and collaborator, Ruth, has been promised various roles in Sudrian office.
“If Mrs. Kyndley won the election I would be in jail right now. With Sailor John, Ruth Industries will prosper.” Ruth explained. “We’ll be able to cut even more corners on our Road Engines when he gets rid of those pesky safety regulations. Does anyone have any ketamine?”
While politics can be complicated and nuanced, many Sudrians wonder how this issue can be so complicated for voters.
“This guy blew up Sir Topham Hatt’s office, threw dynamite at me, destroyed a historic pirate ship, and you guys still voted for him?” Thomas the Tank Engine asked. “Fuck you assholes.”
Thomas News Network 